Or, the Narrator Figure WWWWolf Does Screencaps and Narrates.

Halo Waypoint still doesn’t have any method of extracting screenshots, so here’s some of my blurry attempts at getting screenshots out of the game using a video capture card. The results are somewhat variable.

First strike!

Halo 4: First strike!

This was my first kill ever in Halo 4. Not sure if I have a clip of my first Halo Reach game, but I think I have a screenie and a clip of my first Halo 3 game somewhere. I need to go look for them.

The first kill succeeded above all expectations, actually. I just went forth and punched this guy in the face. And it even gave me the First Strike medal. Fantastic.

Assassinations?

I had a simple wish for Halo 4: Add flag assassinations. That’s really all I wished for.

Halo 4: Ballsasination!

But 343i did more than that. Here’s a Ballsasination!

Halo 4: Flagsasination failure...

And this would have been my first Flagsasination, if only my teammate had not stuck a grenade on my butt.

Assassinations!

First: I’ve only recently started to actually appreciate Team Snipers for what it is. I’ve usually been more of a person who goes after snipers. With a knife.

Halo 4: Sniper fail!

Because nothing says “you fail at sniping forever” like getting smacked in the face, obviously.

So here’s what I did to a guy who was sprinting in middle of a gigantic snowfield in Team Snipers.

Halo 4: Sniper assassination (1)

First, a knife in the back.

Oh, what? Feet going through the ground? Yeah, physics does weird shit in this ga—

Halo 4: Sniper assassination (2)

Second, a good kick.

—oh yeah, I forgot that there’s a female Spartan involved. When female Spartans start kicking ass, that usually involves some rather recurring phrases. Like “that doesn’t seem physically possible”.

More stuff that’s not physically possible

Yeah, the corpses really do have funny poses in this game.

Halo 4: Who got assassinated? Me!

“Who got assassinated? Me!”

But sometimes, the corpses end up in completely incomprehensible states.

Halo 4: Ragdoll failure (1)

I’m here muttering “I think I kicked that guy’s ass a little bit too hard. Just one little punch and I ended up with an indescribable pile of body parts.”

Halo 4: Ragdoll failure (2)

Though I guess that in the above case, the extraction transmitter is generating a very dangerous electromagnetic field. Perhaps that is responsible for this mysterious mess of body parts.

More inexplicable machinima references

Halo 4: Waepons.

SO MANY OPSHINS!

PRIMARY WAEPON GRAVITY HAMMRE SECODNARY WAPEON SPATRAN LASRE.

Grace and badassery

Halo 4: Smooth moves!

A bit of grace here. In form of smooth Grifball moves.

And here’s some badassery in form of me facing a rocket Warthog:

Halo 4: Braving the rockethog!

Okay. A fella with a dimmer faces a rockethog. Of course the fella with the dimmer wins. Nobody ever wins anything by using the rockethog. However, rockethogs are very useful for providing explosions for the background.

And finally, a small gender rant

I’ll probably do a proper rant when I get around to, but here’s the gist of the issue I wish to address.

One day, people had random open mics and were jabbering about how some of the players in the game were female. And of course, they doubted whether the players actually were female. Because apparently, to them, there’s nothing more sinister and vile than people who pretend to be female while they’re actually male.

Seriously, who cares? You know what happens when people keep gibbering about that?

Halo 4: Distraction!

“DISTRACTION!”

Physically speaking, I’m a guy. I just use a female Spartan because I’m having these interesting gender issues, which incidentally have absolutely no bearing on what the hell keeps happening in Halo 4. So I’m not going to discuss them here. (I’ve rambled about it in my personal blog, in case you’re interested.)

If the gender of the Spartans you face has any relevance to you, you’re spending too much time thinking of completely irrelevant things. It’s probably affecting the way you play.

Think with the right end, people. That’s all.